Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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