bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
