Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
