That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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