It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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