Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
