i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
