Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
