The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
