Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
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