brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
