Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
