so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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