Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
