i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
