Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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