You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just puked most of my soul out..
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
