I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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