Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
