I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Damn victory sex feels great
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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