It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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