Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
