If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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