in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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