new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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