So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
