dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
