Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize