Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
