does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
