1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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