Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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