We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
