I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
