My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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