4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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