No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
