Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
