After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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