this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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