Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
