i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Randomize
