my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
