Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
