Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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