Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just want to make out with him forever
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
