after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
