I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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