Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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