i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
