i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
