So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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