I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
