How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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