shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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