my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
