ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
