You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
