Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
