the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
