Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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