I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
