he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
