Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Jerry, you need to find god
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
