I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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