I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
