So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
