i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize