I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
