you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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